How to Cope with Grief and Loss

Religious Abuse as Grief and Loss

Religious Abuse as Grief and Loss

Maurice Turmel PhD




People were looking for ways to control the masses. Each day some new purpose would emerge designed to enslave the existing populations and have them do the dirty work of those who saw themselves as Masters.

For the purposes of this story and the Religious Abuse Recovery Program we are launching here, we will focus our attention on the Catholic Church primarily. But this expose can be applied to other religions as well.




Man’s Folly – Religious Abuse

In the Name of the Father / How can it be? / You lied and cheated / Deceived me, I can see

No more holdouts / No more old scores / Time to return me / To my sweet amore

The one true love / That resides within / Is not without worry / But certainly without sin

The abuse of the Father / Is no folly indeed / It happened to many / Disrupted His creed

There to be taken / By those who “knew better” / Thought they’d interpret / That unopened letter

Concealed though it was / To be opened by you / Thought they would grab it / And give it a chew

Chew, this they did / And badly as well / Hell and damnation / Had cast their spell

Long after the heartache / The evil and rhyme / The words of the Lord / Were turned into slime

Now these are retrievable / Through your own heart / Look in there now dear / You’ll find your part

No longer distorted / By those in the know / Cause you open your own mail / To start your own show

Let it be said / That God always knew better / He’d let you find / Your very own letter

He’d let you know / When you had enough / Cause His Heart is Yours / And Yours is so tough

Tougher than lies / Let that be for certain / Look inside your self / Just behind the curtain

The veil they created / With their stories untrue / The nonsense they taught / And said was about you

You know the truth / God set it there / He said: “Take a look dear / Don’t you be scared”

“I placed those words / Inside your heart / I knew you’d find / Your very own part”

“I’m glad you took charge / And set it all straight / No use pretending / I just couldn’t wait”

“Glad you could find / Your way to center / Heaven is right here, dear / Time for you to enter”

“And I love you, I do”

Signed: The Lord within You



Let’s set the stage so we can all see where this enslavement of souls began. At the beginning of the First Millennium AD, around the time Jesus Christ was born, the Roman Empire was in a stiff decline. Their mastery and control over Europe and various regions in Africa and the Middle East were falling apart because the Roman leaders could no longer maintain the discipline necessary to keep their legions subjects in line.

As the Roman Empire continued its decline, some of its soon to be deposed leaders noticed that a rise in religious fervor was taking root, therefore, an opportunity to harness that need was now available. They realized they could transform this seeking of spiritual succor into a different form of enslavement that only required conditioning of the mind. By co-opting God as their ultimate Higher Power, they could deliver to the populace a series of edicts that could not be challenged, since they came directly from God.

An uneducated populace fell right into the trap and became supporters of this new religious movement. The Roman Empire morphed into the Roman Catholic Church and carried on their usual affairs under the guise of a new business model. Former military leaders exchanged their battle garb for priestly robes and began the transformation. They started to build churches and went to work developing their mind conditioning practices.

They saw for themselves what power religious beliefs could hold when they witnessed the effect Jesus Christ had on the population of the time. After they killed him, they jumped all over this need and began the business of converting the Empire into a large scale Religion.

They developed all kinds of methods for enticing people, methods that made good use of the technological advances of the day. For a naïve population, these acts of trickery were pure magic and served to draw them tighter within the fold. Simple mathematical formulas coupled with advances in hydraulics were converted into the miracles of crying statues, bleeding glass and speaking stones, all orchestrated behind the scenes by masters of illusion who hired themselves out to the Highest Bidders. That’s how Catholicism began, with trickery and deceit, methods that remain in existence to this very day.

This form of trickery and deceit set the stage for what was to become a systematic program of wowing potential converts with manufactured miracles. The biggest coup for the Catholic Church was when they successfully co-opted Jesus Christ’s name and enormous popularity. Once he was out of the way, it was easy, because he was no longer around to challenge them. This simply was the common business practice of stealing an idea, then getting rid of the competition that created it.

But that was not enough. They needed a founder, someone who was loyal to Jesus Christ, and that was his right hand man, Peter. They claimed Peter as the founder of Jesus Christ’s church, even though they had killed him as well, crucified him upside down, if you recall. So today you have St. Peter’s Square in Vatican City and St. Peter’s Basilica within that square all contained within a small piece of real estate that reports to no one but itself, exempt from taxes and exempt from scrutiny, the wealthiest religious organization on the planet.

In the meantime, Roman Empire soldiers became Christian Mercenaries and led the charge against Heathens everywhere. A heathen was simply a person or group that did not endorse Christianity. For this failure to comply they were killed, with Holy Swords and in God’s name. A few centuries back, during the time of the Crusades, a Christian mercenary leader reportedly asked his Pope, Pope Innocent II, how he should differentiate between believers and heathens, so as not to smite the faithful. And the Pope replied: “Kill them all. We’ll let God determine which are His.” There you have another piece of the foundation of the Roman Catholic Church.

Historians may dispute these claims as too simplistic and not factual enough, because I offer no accounting of dates or other specifics. The accuracy of these claims can be determined when you Google any of the key words listed above. For the purposes of your Religious Abuse Recovery, such details are unnecessary. What the church did or didn’t do, and who were the main players at the times of various atrocities will have no effect on what you need to recover from Religious Abuse. All we are showing you here are the corrupt beginnings of a Religion that claimed to have your best interests in mind, while its priests and nuns were busy berating you, sexually abusing you, shaming you and reducing you to puddles of tears, as successfully conditioned you to hate your self. This is spiritual blasphemy of the highest order

The Roman Catholic Church has become a massive and perverse institution whose main weapons include psychological conrols, de-humanizing physical and sexual abuses and constant condemnation of your value as a person, as a true son / daughter of God. This is how they started and where they remain to this day, keeping all of us as children dependent on them, and continuing their program of mental and emotional enslavement through psychological torture and conditioning.

You need to see this for yourself, so you can come out of the trance they have put you in. All of their messages are what we psychologists call “double-binds”. For example: “God loves you, but you’re a Sinner.” “If you do as we say, you will go to Heaven. If you don’t, you will go to Hell.” There was no Hell until they invented it. There was no Purgatory until they invented that.

All of these machinations are fictions, all part of the Big Lie to keep you enslaved. None of it is true. They made it all up. And they continue to promote these ideas to this day because now they can rely on unquestioned history and their 2,000 years in business as validation of their eternal righteousness and authority.

This is where the Roman Catholic Church started. They discovered that Guilt and Shame, coupled with the fear of rejection by God, were stronger weapons than arrows and swords for bringing populations to their knees. It was easy back then to dupe so many people, because there was no education system to speak of, except for the elites who were already behind this fictional creation, and are still there to this day.

Jesus Christ did not launch the Catholic Church and neither did his close friend and disciple, Peter. They were setting the stage for a spiritual revolution however, and that is why they were killed. They were a threat to the ruling authorities of the day. Once these two were out of the way, the elites of the time seized the opportunity to capitalize on the authentic search for truth and wholeness, and used this natural human desire to enslave people in a whole new manner. With the fear of God duly installed, they could do pretty much whatever they wanted.

They successfully utilized the power of belief and the natural urge to meld with one’s God as a tool for conscripting millions into their fold while installing themselves as the only legitimate intermediary between man and God.

That’s where our experiences of religious abuse began. These perverse psychological tactics have been in operation for 2,000 years and they will not be going away quietly. The perversions of Christ’s original message are still going on, as are the abuses inflicted on countless children all over the world. We have only seen the tip of the iceberg where these abuses are concerned. The Catholic Church has successfully silenced many dissenting and complaining voices by simply paying them off under gag order conditions.

In the meantime they continue to manage their business as usual. Who is the next potential Saint in their lineup of fake ascenders? Let’s condemn abortion one more time. Let’s continue to deny poor people in third world countries the use of condoms to keep family sizes manageable. Let’s release another edict against homosexuality while tour own ranks are filled with them. Let’s publicly condemn priest pedophiles while we continue to shift them from parish to parish as complaints are laid.

Lies, hypocrisy and more lies are the true foundations of the Catholic Church. You need to see this to begin your recovery. You need to know that you placed your trust in the lowest of the low, that your parents were duped as were the thousands of generations before them. You need to see how badly and perversely you’ve been lied to so that you can contemplate the idea that you are not so bad after all. When we reject our abuse experiences as determiners of who we are and put these back onto the shoulders of our abusers where they belong, we begin to see that their practices are clear testimony of their perverse nature.

They are the abusers and we are the victims. The abuse that we suffered is about “what happened to us.” It is not about who we are. But it most certainly is about who and what they are. And they are everything they ever accused us of. They are the perverse and the psychologically sick. Their actions, thoughts and behaviors toward innocent children are what need to be condemned. They are the purveyors of abuse.

The Catholic Church’s entire program began with a series of lies and that remains as their foundation to this day. These people are murderers, liars, child abusers, sexual abusers and emotional abusers. They live in a hollowed out world where the only truth that matters is what will help perpetuate their power and control for another day, week or year.

They have piles and piles of money that they keep to themselves while they shame us into giving to the poor and disenfranchised, loathsome conditions that they help perpetuate with their antiquated but controlling messages about sin, sexual activity and birth control. In their world, it’s all about counting the cash, keeping the business humming along and silencing the victims of their various abuses through murder or payoff. Yes, there are bodies buried around residential schools in North America, children that were killed by their priest caretakers. Those who survived these experiences and witnessed the murders, have been bought off by those pesky gag orders, so that the Catholic Church can continue to pretend it is wholesome and clean.

This church, and many like it, is as political as any government and as corrupt as the worst you and I have ever seen. They are befuddled by the fact that they continue to be sued and called to account for their misdeeds. After all, shouldn’t they be above the law? Meanwhile, children abused at their hands, grow into adults who have multiple problems with self-trust, self-worth, self-esteem, self-condemnation and even self-abuse. These are the childhood religious abuse victims who as adults turn to alcohol and drugs to mollify their experiences of abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church. These people are you and I, victims of abuse at the hands of tyrannical nuns and priests who clubbed us into submission by conditioning us to fear God, the same God they claim is always loving and welcoming – another double-bind.

Their Pope is a big fat joke. They have elevated him to Rock Star status and sent him around the world to mingle with the common people. He’s just a father figure who goes around the world making a sign of the cross over the heads of thousands who are starved for parental approval and affection.

The Catholic Church’s leaders have positioned themselves as parent authorities who, while working for God, are allegedly immune to scrutiny or prosecution. They have successfully used the same tactic as rapists and similar abusers when confronted with charges of abuse – blame the victim and re-victimize them all over again.

The Catholic Church Authorities are the real heathens. They are the abusers of God’s just words. They are the liars and psychological enslavers of today. They are as good at running their religion as other enslavers’ of whole populations – Adolph Hitler and the Nazis, Joseph Stalin, Idi Amin and most recently, Saddam Hussein. Comparisons can be made to a number of Western Leaders as well, but we will save that for another day. For now, the Catholic Church’s leaders are well in tune with the petty despots that we’ve seen come and go down through the ages.

Petty despots and religious abusers are all cut from the same cloth. They are elitist. They see themselves as privileged. And they truly believe they have the right to “Lord it” over the rest of us. We, the general population, continue to be their slaves as long as we endorse their program, or, more accurately, fail to stand up for ourselves and put these abuses and condemnations back onto them, where they belong.

This is the end of the road for the Catholic Church and all religions that practice psychological enslavement of their adherents. Those of us who have been abused are now saying:

Enough! I will no longer suffer at your hands! I am done with you forever! And I will heal myself of all your toxic effects.

Let that be the beginning of your Religious Abuse Recovery process. Let that phrase now become your Mantra. Say it to yourself everyday and prepare to heal from the lifetime of abuses you have suffered at their hands. The problem was never you. They problem has always been in the hands of your abusers. They are the ones who are sick and misguided. They are the ones who have perverted and corrupted Christ’s message to us. They are the ones who pretend to be God’s emissaries when they are in fact perverts of the truth.

In the next installment we will lay out a profile of religious abuse victims. You will see yourself there and know you have been accurately described. With that template in hand you will begin your own recovery process using the guidance and methods provided here.

Yes you can recover from Religious Abuse, Religious Sexual Abuse, Religious Mental Abuse and Religious Emotional Abuse using the very same psychological tools they used to condemn you. Properly applied, these tools will lead you out of the spiritual wilderness they cast you into, and help you find your way Home to your True Heart, your True Self, and then make good your Personal Connection with the Living God within. Then you will know the true freedom of being “Connected to Source”, which simply means you will never need another religion again for the rest of your natural life.

How’s that for a promise? You, connected with You, and with the Great Creator! No more middle man. No more lies - just your own permanent connection to the Almighty.

Personal Development Ascension Training Program Focuses on Western Mindset

Personal Development Ascension Training Program Focuses on Western Mindset

Posted using ShareThis

Personal Development Ascension Training Program Focuses on Western Mindset

Personal Development Ascension Training Program Focuses on Western Mindset

Posted using ShareThis

Preparing for Ascension 2012

Dear readers,

We are pleased to introduce the Ascension Training Centre's launch of the 12 step Ascension Training Program to be delivered over 6 weeks. Developed by Dr. Maurice Turmel, in collaboration with his guidance, this intensive life changing program is set to launch on February 18, 2010.

What is Ascension?

Ascension is the predicted shift from 3rd dimensional density consciousness to 5th dimensional expanded consciousness where the human race will be able to reconnect directly to Source.

Ascension 2012 come to us through the Maya calendar which has predicted this acceleration of The Pulse for centuries, and set December 21, 2012 as their calendar end date, or Deadline, if you prefer.

The Earth is expected to undergo structural changes along identified fault lines, with a possible shift in axis rotation occurring as well. Such events are reported to occur every 26,000 years when the Earth is aligned with the Galactic Center of the Milky Way.

For we inhabitants of the Earth, ascension is about this shift upward in consciousness. If you have been working on your personal growth and spiritual development for some time, you are likely feeling the effects of higher energies coming into the Earth at this time. These are part of the coming shift. So are signs coming to us through Crop Circles and numerous Channeling sources.

This Ascension Training Program, rooted in psychology, mythology and spirituality, has been designed for the Western mindset. It has already been rated as "life changing" by early participants.

For additional information please visit the website at the Ascension Training Centre .

Once there, please pay attention to your Heart and Feeling Centre as these will inform you if this program is for you.


http://ascensiontrainingcentre.com




FREE PREVIEW:

A FREE Preview of the Ascension Training Program has been scheduled for Tuesday, February 9 at 2PM Eastern Standard Time (North America) and will be repeated later that same day at 7PM Eastern Standard Time (North America).

How Long: Preview Sessions are 1 hour in length.

Where: FreeConferencing.com

Conference dial-in Number (712) 432-0075

Participant Access Code: 627563

Playback Number: (712) 432-1085

Note: Participants can access the call via Skype and avoid long distance charges.

Skype: enter freeConferencing as the contact you are calling. Automated answering will ask for Access Code - Same as above. Then Press # and you are there.

Grief and Loss Overview

Grief and Loss Overview
by Maurice Turmel PhD

An overview of grief and loss shows us that this is a broad category of life experience. We usually associate it with death and dying, but it can include losing your employment and broken relationships as additional categories that generate the grief experience. Grief and loss comes in a multiplicity of dimensions that affect our daily lives.

Losing a loved one is what we typically associate with grief and loss. But losses of many types can also generate powerful grief reactions. We include here broken relationships, loss of a pet and loss of employment. When the loss experience strikes we immediately want relief and begin seeking some kind of recovery help.

Today we can see grief and loss associated with divorce, relationship breakup, pet grief and loss of employment. We can also see associations with the loss of ones home, place of business and career aspirations as some hopes and dreams never materialize. We tend not to see these as grief and loss categories, but in fact they are losses that affect us in similar ways as losing a loved one.

The main point of this article is that dealing with grief and loss has a lot of common dimensions over all of its related categories. We mourn the loss of a loved one. We grieve the loss of a pet. We agonize over a broken relationship. We become depressed at the loss of our job.

What is the central point here? Why do we examine grief and loss from all these points of view? Because at the heart of every crisis is an emotional wound. We feel hurt, depressed and sad. We feel lost and afraid. Something we valued has been taken away. We feel pain associated with any loss and that usually elicits anger as a first response. These reactions are typical in every type of grief and loss experience.

Grief and loss, as a life experience, emerges in many aspects of our lives. Learning to relieve ourselves of stress via relevant grief recovery programs can have far reaching benefits. Recovering our usual bounce and drive is a worthy goal and significant benefit in grief recovery. Whatever we learn about dealing with grief and loss can be applied across its many dimensions and occurences.

Growing, expanding and losing are part of the life cycle. A snake crawls into the tall grass in order to shed its old skin. Why? Because the new underneath is pressing for release. Each cyle of our life presents circumstances in which we lose something to gain something better. Letting go is a tough life lesson, but essential to our growth. The old must die so that the new can be born.

Losing a loved one is a powerful and devastating experience and one we never solicit consciously. This is the most difficult of all losses and we acknowledge that it is hard to see any benefit in it. But losing and gaining are with us everyday in a great variety of forms. Learning to cope with all types of loss will help us when the big losses strike. Finding the right resources is essential to managing our grief and loss experience.

Dealing with our emotions is central to the recovery process, no matter what type of loss you encounter. Turning to each other for comfort and solace can bring peace and new found friendships. All times of trial have their secret benefits. That is the main lesson from grief and loss.

Grief Counseling and Recovery Video

The following is a Grief Recovery video featuring yours truly discussing what one can expect from Grief Counseling and Recovery. It is 3.5 minutes long and addresses the main components of grief recovery and grief counseling, elements that are regularly addressed throughout this blog.

Your comments and feedback would be much appreciated.

Broken Heart Poems

"Here's a good example of using poetry writing as a form of journaling for working through feelings of grief and loss."

Broken Heart Poems - Getting Your Feelings Out There With A Poem

Counseling and Grief Recovery

When I was in private practice I saw a lot of individuals who were grieving the loss of a loved one, whether that was a child, a spouse, a parent or a close friend. On a few occasions I saw couples where one of them had been diagnosed with a terminal condition and had less than 6 months to live. These situations were particularly traumatic for the persons involved, especially for the spouse who was not ill.

These couples, with the terminally ill partner, needed to work through feelings about their situation and the practical steps necessary to prepare for the inevitable. The terminally ill partner seemed to have an easier time with the process once they had accepted the reality of their death. When my brother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I witnessed the same effects taking place for he and my sister. Broadly speaking, it was always the surviving partner that had the toughest time.

With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just the hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like youre feeling " sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed " whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.

Then I would instruct them to pay attention to that particular feeling and tell me more about it. They would then describe their feelings in detail along with whatever physical reactions might be attached to it. Tears would begin to flow as they related the physical and emotional reactions they were experiencing. This was the essence of my counselling approach for persons in grief, no matter what the precipitating circumstances.

It was not unusual for clients to ask about Stages of Grief and/or some theory they had heard about in their research on the matter. As interesting as this might be, I would point out that anything that distracted them from their feelings was a waste of their recovery efforts. In contrast, anything that helped them focus on feelings would always be the most beneficial. After a few challenging sessions, where painful feelings were addressed and released, the client would realize that this was the path to recovery. Not only that, but learning to identify, describe and release feelings as a general practice, would have benefits far beyond their successful grief recovery.

We are programmed toward externals by our various sources of news that like to talk about charts, graphs, theories and stages. These tantalizing tidbits are geared toward boosting ratings or adding another "Top Ten Ways to Heal Grief" book to the self-help section of bookstores. A helpful grief recovery resource will focus on Internals, such as feelings and emotions, because that's always where the hurt lies. Our Heart and Feeling Center determines the quality of our life and tells us when we are hurting. By focusing inward we identify and release feelings, along with the associated pain. Writing in a journal, listening to good music, reading heart-centered poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart because that's where healing actually happens.

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

With any recovery process there can be many distractions along the way. In the case of grief recovery these can come in the form of stages, charts and graphs that are intellectually interesting but have no value in terms of your grief recovery. Most religions, even though well-intentioned, fall short on this matter as well. A good grief resource, counselor or support group can help you focus on the heart of the matter which is your feeling nature. Externals, even when interesting, can detract you from the task at hand - healing your broken heart.

You now have what you need to heal your grief. You will recover from this tragedy and great loss. You will become intimately acquainted with your Heart and Feeling Centre. You will come to a point where you can think about your loved one and smile. Because when the hurt is finally healed, what remains with you is the love you carry in your heart, and that is forever.

Stages of Grief Recovery

The stages of Death and Dying evolved by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross are often mis-identified as The Stages of Grief Recovery. In her schema, she came up with 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression and 5) acceptance as reactions to a diagnosis of terminal illness. Her stages only make sense when considered against that backdrop. As such, this configuration has nothing to do with the stages of grief recovery.

Looking back over my 25 years of therapeutic experience dealing with hundreds of individuals and families going through grief and loss and a review of the currently available data I have come up with 4 stages of Grief Recovery. Kubler-Ross' stages do not fit this paradigm even though they are often mistaken as the quintessential guideline. For those of you seeking grief recovery the following stages are what you can expect.

1) Numbness and Shock: - We hear the news about the death of a loved one and our mind goes into shock. The news is too unbelievable, too hard to digest in one sitting. Numbness enters the picture because our mind is still reeling from the news as our body goes into a state of emotional numbness. We try desperately to process this terrible news. Simple tasks now feel overwhelming. Feelings of disorientation and displacement are common. Some have described this as a dreamlike state where you feel disconnected from events and people around you. Funeral arrangements and other issues are accomplished mechanically.

Stage 2 - Disintegration and Disorientation: The initial shock of losing a loved one begins to settle down and we are now faced with the deeper feelings of grief and bereavement. Emotional disintegration, which feels like "falling apart" enters the picture as the reality of the loss hits us hard. Physical reactions such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite are not uncommon and need to be taken up with your family doctor. On the emotional side, feelings of confusion, anxiety, anger and depression may now begin to surface. These deeper reactions are your body and mind's way of trying to release stress. Grief recovery means working through these reactions over time.

Stage 3) Bereavement and Grief Recovery - Once you are past the shock and have started to come out of disorganization, bereavement and grief recovery can begin in earnest. You can now make full use of your grief recovery resources including books, audio books, healing music and grief counseling. These days, you can be part of an online support group where sharing is the by-word and all persons there are eager and ready to listen and help each other recover. You are not alone, unless you choose to be. And you are not a victim, unless you choose that as well!

Stage 4 - Coming Back Together / Reintegration - You've been following an action plan laid out in your favored grief resources. A good book, counselor or support group has provided a set of guidelines to follow and you realize this journey of recovery is manageable. Books, audio resources, counseling and support groups provided the framework to recovery you've been looking for. Your action steps bear fruit. You notice a little less emotional tenderness with each passing day and more of your old self returning. Your life has changed. You've lost a valued loved one. The pain at times felt unbearable. But you are past that now and your grief recovery is near the end.

These are the stages of grief recovery as I have come to know them after 25 years of helping hundreds of individuals, couples and families come to terms with Murder Grief, Suicide Grief, Relationship Grief, Loss of a Parent, Loss of a Child and Loss of a Spouse. I have also dealt with many losses in my own life including a best friend, mother, favorite brother-in-law, special uncle and other family members and acquaintances.

For a successful grief recovery I recommend the following: 1) Acquire a good reading and/or audio book resource that you can access whenever you want and need to, something that will provide support and guidance as you work your way through the necessary grief recovery action steps. 2) Check out any support groups in your area. This will help eliminate the feeling that you are alone and will normalize your recovery experience.

3) Sometimes local groups are not available. Not to worry because online Grief Support Networks are plentiful. Just do a search for "Grief Support Online" and numerous choices will be available to you. Again, the main benefit is community and a sense of belonging. There is no need to go through grief alone or suffer for an extended period of time. Share your story with others and listen to theirs. This helps you both. 4) If necessary see a therapist. Some of your early experiences may be too overwhelming or confusing. See an expert. He or she will help you get on track with a tailor made grief recovery program.

Managing Bereavement II

Managing Bereavement
by Maurice Turmel PhD

Bereavement has a definite beginning but no predictable end. How you manage your bereavement recovery will determine how long it takes to regain your former composure. Avoiding, or repressing the feelings of sadness and the need to cry will sabotage your recovery efforts.

A good recovery program for bereavement requires that you face and accept uncomfortable feelings. Following such a plan will shorten the bereavement time period. What we mean here is that a well laid out approach will net results in weeks, or just a few short months. In this day and age, bereavement recovery should never be measured in years.

I instructed my clients to read specified material and journal about their feelings as we proceeded with their bereavement recovery. These assignments were to be completed between meetings because the importance of work done outside the consulting room needed to be emphasized. Clients would complete their homework and report at the next session. Taking responsibility for their feelings grew in proportion to this work and was spurred on by a noticeable diminishment in pain.

My bereavement recovery program came out of these experiences. After hundreds of cases of grief, loss and bereavement, I noticed a particular group of strategies began to emerge as essential to the recovery process. Taking these lessons and adapting them to mythical stories and poetry, along with the more literal instructions, helped drive the lessons home.

Supporting the written word with audio narration puts feeling into the words and helps reinforce many important points for bereavement sufferers. Most good books that aim to help individuals navigate this thorny emotional experience emerge this way. The writer's training and consulting experience helps extract the important themes from the client's experiences and turn them into a recovery program. Adding a poetic flair strengthens the impact of the narration and provides even better results.

Today we know more about grief recovery and bereavement than at any other time in our human evolution. Generations ago mythology served the purpose of guiding individuals through important life lessons by couching them into stories that were passed along verbatim. Every culture had them and every period of our human history reveals their presence. Todays psychology was yesterdays mythology and actually rests on that foundation.

Even in mythology, it becomes clear that a feeling based approach to bereavement recovery is the treatment of choice. With today's understanding of emotional dynamics, defense mechanisms and other survival strategies the point is driven home. A heart-centered and feeling based approach will deliver the best results in the shortest amount of time. The debilitating effects of grieving and bereavement can be turned around in a few short weeks.

Stories, poems, reflections and music selections are designed to put you in touch with your feelings. As each piece is read, listened to and digested, you are ready to start journaling and put those feelings down on paper. This is where grief recovery begins in earnest.

Your heart, your feelings, and your growing self-awareness are the keys to helping you heal your broken heart. You will travel this path with significantly less stress as a result of this detailed approach. No, it's not easy, but it is a journey that can be won. Many have done so using these strategies and so can You!

Click Here for Bereavement Recovery Help

Working Through Your Grief Recovery

Working through your grief recovery is a fairly straightforward process once you understand the process involved. There are specific actions you can take to counteract the physical and emotional upheaval you are experiencing as a result of your losing a loved one. A variety of grief recovery methods are available and worthy of consideration.

Shock and disorientation are the first experiences we encounter upon hearing about the death of a loved one. This is the way our body and mind typically react to news of a personal tragedy. We find it difficult at first to absorb and accept the reality of this tragic news.

A sense of disorganization may persist until the reality of this tragic situation sinks in. We proceed in a dreamlike state through the funeral arrangements, the influx of family and friends, and the inevitable post burial let down. Our feelings and emotions are kept at bay until we complete these practical necessities.

Grief recovery begins after the family has left and we've made significant headway with our acceptance of the loss. Anxiety, depression and similar raw emotions that we previously contained are now allowed to surface. Once we are alone with our thoughts, feelings and reactions our grief recovery looms as a necessity.

Thoughts and feelings associated with losing a loved one make their way into awareness and begin pressing for attention. If we have some experience dealing with feelings, then the experience we are being exposed to may be easier to navigate. If this is our first tragedy then our grief recovery will be complicated by the confusion and disorientation that struck us at first and is now laden with these powerful emotions.

Medical help is a good option for our grief recovery in the short term. The effects of sleep deprivation, overwhelming anxiety or deep depression can be mitigated by physician prescribed medications. Your mind, body and emotions have received a severe shock and will benefit from this intervention and help you settle down.

Over the long term, additional grief recovery options worth considering may include joing a support group, seeing a therapist and acquiring helpful books and audio resources. If you feel strong enough in the face of this tragedy then a good book resource may be all that is required.

Books and audio resources usually include a description of the grieving process and an outline of the stages you are likely to encounter. The better resources provide a step by step program for dealing with your emotions which always reveal the strongest effects due to a recent loss. A grief recovery program that focuses on your emotions and feelings will deliver the greatest benefit in the shortest amount of time.

Grieving individuals often appreciate poetry and music as an accompaniment to their grieving process and healing measures. A good grief recovery resource will address all of these dimensions while helping you focus on your feelings and emotions. With the right tools and your determination to heal your grief recovery can proceed in short order, by which we mean weeks, or a few short months - but not years.

Bereavement Audio Ebook

My name is Maurice Turmel, also known as “Dr Moe.” I am the author of “How to Cope with Grief and Loss – Bereavement Audio Ebook.” There are many products on the web today offering programs and strategies for dealing with grief, loss and bereavement. This audio ebook is one of them, but stands out in a very significant way.

Over my 25 years of professional practice I learned that grieving individuals had the hardest time dealing with their feelings of loss and the ensuing emotions that would come rushing to the fore. It’s true that grief, loss and bereavement are difficult experiences to transcend. But it is not true that this has to be an overwhelming and debilitating experience. It only seems so because so few of us are well versed in dealing with these effects.

In my first year of practice I interned at a Cancer Hospital where grief, loss and bereavement were on the menu every day. Families came with their sick loved ones to spend their last few days together in a comfortable and supportive environment. Facing the imminence of death was always easier for the person dying. Family members died a little themselves as they watched their loved one fade away.

In the end, the grieving family had the most difficulty with the finality of their loved one’s passing. Emotions would run high at these times and the intensity of feelings was palpable. I quickly learned that this is where we had to focus to help bereaved individuals recover. Their feelings and emotions came to the fore as the most important aspect of the grief and bereavement recovery process.

When working with grieving individuals and families, I took the position that we had to focus on what they were feeling, which more often than not, was exactly what they wanted to avoid. In the end they would see what I was aiming at and why it was essential to follow that path. If they truly wanted to heal, then their feelings and emotions had to be dealt with head on.

After only a few sessions of dealing with feelings and emotions and letting themselves cry when they needed to, the necessary pattern was set. Grieving individuals would surrender to their feelings, journal about them and report back to me. Eventually acknowledging and claiming their feelings served to validate their sense of self as well as their bereavement experience. In very short order, they could do this on their own.

This pattern of helping individuals focus on and accept their feelings became the foundation of my approach to counselling and therapy, not just for grief and bereavement, but for a whole host of other issues as well. Whatever the circumstances that brought a grieving individual to my office, this approach always yielded the greatest results.

Not only did these individuals learn to grieve properly, but they also learned to use these tools for their own self-development. Turns out that learning to deal with our feelings and emotions has a benefit far beyond what grief, loss and bereavement would require. Quite a bonus, I thought.

From this experience I learned that the key to our personal growth lies in identifying and expressing whatever feelings are arising within us at any given time, especially when we’re troubled. Grief, loss and bereavement always elicit powerful emotional responses which need to be heard, validated and expressed safely. So many therapeutic approaches and standard religious practices tend to vilify emerging feelings of anger, frustration, depression, hurt and despair, driving individuals to repressing their emotions even further.

Even though it’s useful to know, you can’t do bereavement by just identifying and listing the stages. You can’t do bereavement by reciting platitudes such as “This is God’s will” or “Grieving takes time” or “Surrender to Christ” or anything like this. You also can’t do bereavement by trying to replace your so-called negative thoughts, such as the range of feelings listed above, with positive thoughts as some New Age practitioners would advise. No such luck on either count!

Platitudes and thought replacement are always delivered by people who don’t know how to deal with their own feelings and are themselves seriously repressed. It’s easy to spot them; they are visibly uncomfortable when anyone becomes intensely emotional.

Our Bereavement Audio Ebook is designed to put you in touch with your feelings of grief and loss, to help you get used to visiting this part of your inner world so you come to know it as well as other experiences in your life. This is where the greatest progress can be made. As you explore, identify and register your feelings to yourself through your journal, you will start to see a picture develop. You’re creating a roadmap to your feeling center and this will serve you for the rest of your life.

Yes, this is hard and painful work, no different than having a tooth pulled or an infected wound cleaned out and stitched up. We put up with such pain because we know there will be benefits. Grieving your loved one through feeling your feelings is no different. It hurts! It is painful! And it will make you cry! So what? Emotional wounds heal just as well as physical wounds when they are properly treated and this Is “The Treatment of Choice” if you truly want to feel better. That’s all we’re talking about here, the proper way to treat the emotional wound of grief and bereavement.

This approach is not new. It’s been charted in our cultural and historical mythology for thousands of years. We just lost sight of it when we became enamoured with our ability to control nature through our intellect. There is no intellectual path through grief and bereavement; it is, and will always be, an emotional journey, pure and simple. What I’m doing here is resurrecting this knowledge and applying it alongside of everything we know about psychology and spirituality today. Grief and bereavement can be healed as easily as any physical wound, and this feeling approach is the right way to do it.

This is what our Bereavement Audio Ebook can do for you; guide you through the process of feeling your feelings, naming them for clarification and journaling about them to vent them out. Sharing your feelings verbally with trusted others is equally beneficial and certainly recommended. How to Cope with Grief and Loss reinforces this as well. Now, what would you like to do for yourself?

Another Loss in My Family

The Real Stages of Grief and Grieving

Grief Counseling

Fox News Does It Again

In another homage to blatant stupidity Fox News opens its big broadcast mouth to once again change feet. What is it this time? A weekend late night talk show decides to make fun of a Canadian General's assertion that Canadian Troops will need a year off at the end of their combat tenure in Afghanistan which is slated for 2011.

Without context, forethought or any type of empathy, Fox News' gruesome foursome decides to disparage the Canadian contingent with references to yoga, spa treatments, nail coloring and other foolishness. While they were doing this, 4 more Canadian soldiers were being transported home to be buried. A total of 116 Canadian soldiers have died in Afghanistan, and hundreds more wounded. Canadian Forces have been in Afghanistan since the beginning of that engagement, fighting side by side with U.S. forces.

Just when you thought Fox News couldn't lower their standards any further, they outdo themselves once again.

As a Grief Recovery Therapist I deplore their insensitivity and I say to the U.S. population "I know Fox News does not represent your country." They represent a small niche of right wing fundamentalists who choose to celebrate insensitivity and callousness in all its forms and oppose anything that is courageous and good for the human spirit.

My heart goes out to the families of Canada's recent military losses and to All the U.S. Families that have lost loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan. These soldiers deserve our respect and admiration regardless of what circumstances brought them into these wars. And Fox News deserves this growing swell of antipathy for their hosts' inane remarks.

Grief and the Economy

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

A few weeks ago a woman was killed in an auto accident.She was very well liked, so the office shut down for her funeral.On the day the workers came back to work, they found thispoem in their e-mail that the deceased woman had sent on Friday
before she left work to go home.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

"If tomorrow starts without me And I'm not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, While thinking of the many things We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me Please try to understand, that an angel came and called my name And took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away A tear fell from my eye, For all my life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for So much left yet to do, it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays The good ones and the bad, I thought of all that we shared And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized That this could never be, For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things I might miss some tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates I felt so much at home, When God looked down and smiled at me From His great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity, And all I've promised you." Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow But today will always last, and since each day is the same way There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me I'm right here, in your heart."


Send this to all those you care about because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow Show them how you care, before it's too late.
May God watch over you and your family now and always. There is no right time to do the wrong thing, there is no wrong time to tell someone you care.

THANKS TO SHIRLEY WHO LOST HER DAUGHTER IN 2006

Click here

Bereavement Help in the form of counseling focuses on this aspect of loss where your emotions are in a heightened state and your mental acuity is low. Depression emerges here, because it is the main consequence associated with loss. But so can anxiety and other uncomfortable feelings. The initial stages often include trauma and confusion which are completely normal given the circumstances. Depression, anxiety and feelings of loss come along later and they will be the focus of your grief recovery.

If you need medication, see your family doctor and she or he will help you with that. There is no shame in utilizing this type of help. The loss of a loved one is such a shock that initially at least, medication for sleeping and calming you becomes quite necessary. Bereavement Help includes medications as part of an overall strategy to help you recover. All of these emotional and feeling reactions are part of the grieving process and you need to be kind to yourself right now. Give yourself whatever Bereavement Help you require.

The Bereavement Process is like an illness. It has an onset, middle period and end. When you're first thrust into it, you can't fight back, much as you'd like to try. Your mind reels with possibilities but cannot control your emotional reactions. Bereavement Help is required to calm you down and help you heal the hurt that accompanies a major loss.

In bereavement, circumstances beyond your control surround you with their dark eerie glow and keep you stuck in that traumatized emotional state. No amount of willpower or mental acuity will undo that. And you'll only beat yourself up every time you try and repeatedly fail.

After the Bereavement Process starts to wind down, you'll come back to yourself in better form. All of the Bereavement Help Resources that you have utilized will bring you there. Trying to tough this experience out will only keep you stuck and that can last for years. Use books like "How to Cope with Grief and Loss" as a guide and see to it that you get all the bereavement help that you need.

Bereavement Help and Counseling, in whatever forms you choose, will assist you throughout this process. Think of Bereavement Help as Medication for your Soul. Just add Love and you'll be on your way again. Here are some links to help you focus on specific types of grief and loss.

Grief, The Holidays, And You

Welcome to another blog posting on Grief and Loss, brought to you by Dr Moe - The Personal Growth Advisor. The following press release was put out in late November to several hundred media sources across North America. Here we are facing another holiday season with thousands, if not millions of you, dealing with the experience of Grief and Loss.

In our last newsletter we addressed this topic directly. In this issue we are addressing the broader impact of Grief, Bereavement and Loss on our lives. The accompanying emotional experiences are more poignant at this time. This is the hardest time of the year for individuals who have lost someone.

This is the time of year when I think about my mother, my friend Bruce and my favorite brother-in-law Frank. I miss them all dearly. I will likely shed a few tears. But I will also be celebrating their lives and what they each meant to me. There will be laughter and tears of joy. That's how I remember these loved ones and keep them in my heart forever. Because my grief for each of them is healed, I can easily call them to mind, speak to my family about them, and appreciate what a great benefit they were to me and my life while they were here.

How are you going to deal with this Holiday Season? Are you going to recall your lost loved ones, or are you going to try and avoid any reference to them? That would be sad. Your hurt and pain are testimony to how much they meant to you. Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all? What are you waiting for? You don't have to do this alone. Help is readily available.


PRESS RELEASE:

Veteran Therapist Creates New Audio Ebook Teaching Individuals How to Cope with Grief and Loss and Start Feeling Better in 3 Months or Less. St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. September, 2008. Maurice Turmel PhD points out that our feelings lie at the heart of the grief and grieving process, and addressing these with the right tools offers the quickest path to recovery. By dealing with this core component, we temper the shock and trauma associated with grieving process while placing ourselves on a path of genuine healing.

The grief and grieving process is a subjective emotional experience. It cuts to the core of our being and becomes the emotional wound in our heart that we must now address. This is where the damage lies and where grief healing needs be applied. Understood in this context, we can see why platitudes like “It’s God’s Will” or “Time Heals All” continuously fail and leave sufferers feeling confused, guilty and inadequate.

Emotions and feelings need to be expressed openly with kind receptive supporters, and privately through the process of journaling for the grief and grieving process to have healing take place. The answer to “How to Cope with the Grief and Grieving Process” lies with modern psychology and the lessons of psychotherapy.

When people are encouraged to talk about their feelings, they heal more quickly than through all other methods combined. Honest self-relating is required here. Defenses, emotional blockages, addictions and other strategies of denial block the flow of feeling energy and cripple our attempts to engage the grief and grieving process. These common forms of escape prevail until we learn that connecting with feelings and expressing our emotions does in fact promote healing.

Wars have taught us that repression of feelings and emotions becomes manifested in a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Once the experts identified it, they found a way treat it. They engaged PTSD sufferers in group therapy, one on one counseling and journaling, all part of a newly emerging grief and grieving process approach to recovery. These strategies stand out as the best ways for accepting and releasing feelings associated with any trauma, including the loss of a loved one through death, suicide or broken relationship.

We have also learned through study of the grief and grieving process that addiction distracts us from feelings we want to avoid. Recovery from addiction, oddly enough, is not much different than dealing with grief and grieving. Expressing feelings in a safe and receptive environment is the key to breaking the back of any addiction and denial process.


This approach deals effectively with the grief and grieving process at its feeling core. There are many losses to be dealt with in a lifetime. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a broken relationship or the death of a loved one, this feeling-based approach to grief and grieving leads to a healthy recovery in the shortest possible time.


Let this approach to the grief and grieving process be your short cut to a full and complete recovery where your departed loved one remains in your heart as a loving and positive reminder of who you were together.

Click Here for Grieving Process Help

Holidays, Always Difficult for Grief and Grieving

The holidays are upon us. The US is celebrating Thanksgiving today, after
which the big focus will be Christmas and New Years. Holidays are always
difficult for persons in Grief.

The loss of someone important to us comes boldly to the fore at this time.
We feel their absence more intensely than at any other time of the year.
The tendency is to want to withdraw from all the merry making and
celebrating when we are feeling so low about our loved one.

It is necessary to push at times like these. And be prepared to cry more
than usual. This would be a good time to write a letter to your loved one,
letting them know how much you miss them and whatever else you're feeling at the moment. This is for you, to help reduce the stress, to acknowledge how much you miss them and how it hurts to be without them. This is not a permanent condition. It too will pass.

For those of you engaged in the How to Cope with Grief and Loss
strategies, you will be turning to your journal more often at this time.
It's been working for you so far so just ramp it up as much as you need.
Listen to the relaxation program. Read and listen to your favorite passages
in the book. And let yourself feel. Although this may be intense, when you
come out the other side, you will be greatly relieved and your recovery
process will have taken a giant leap forward.

For those of you struggling without guidance, we wish you well. Your
tendency as already mentioned will be to distance yourself from activity in
order to try and avoid what you're feeling. That'll just make it worse. Be
with friends and family at this time, especially if you are sharing this
loss with others. There should be some comfort there for you.


How to Cope with Grief and Loss
Support, Guidance and Direction on Your Healing Journey

For those of you who are ready, our Audio Ebook "How to Cope with Grief
and Loss" is available 24/7 here: Click Here


Feeling Connected

Sometimes when we are feeling lost and alone we don’t know which way to
turn to possibly renew a friendship.

That pal we had so long ago is lost to us now. They have faded away like
so many things from our earlier life.

Are we to believe that we can no longer sustain such relationships? Are we
to let go of all those sources of comfort that once enjoined us and caused
us great pride.

Our affections for others are what keep us alive. That is, our connection
to each other invites us to live again, to breathe, and to satisfy those
cravings for friendship we once carried around and dismissed.

It’s not true that we have to let go of all this as time marches on. It
is true however, that we have a greater need for each other as the years
speed on by.

When we’re alone, we’re alone, but not in the factual sense. We are
alone because we feel alone. And we are together because we feel connected.

Connected means enjoined. It means we are happy to be in the service of
the Lord. He is our Creator and Guide. He is our Source of constant
comfort. Without Him we wouldn’t have each other, given that we all
sprang from the same “Source.”

Now we are ready to move on, to join with each other once again and to
share what we know and cherish. The twilight of life is a better place if
our lessons to this point have taught us about the value of having good
companions while marching on this pilgrimage toward home.

Home is where the heart is, and that is where we are all joined together,
isn’t it?

Veteran Therapist Creates New Audio Ebook Teaching Individuals How to Cope with Grief and Loss and Start Feeling Better in 3 Months or Less

4 More Reasons to Deal with Grief and Loss

4 Reasons for You to deal with Grief and Loss Now!

1) 1) You will feel better knowing you are not alone with this experience of grief as a result of losing a loved one. Many individuals have traveled this path successfully and, those of us who study these processes, have been hard at work creating the tools and strategies necessary to help you safely negotiate the recovery experience.

2) You will feel better as you become aware of how manageable the healing experience can be while you grow accustomed to using tools that will help you get in touch with your feelings. Once aware of what you are feeling, you will be encouraged you to express those feelings and see for yourself how your stress level will begin to recede. Strategies of denial, anger, withdrawal and repression will be abandoned as they should because you are now aware of what’s necessary to safely manage your recovery experience.


3) You will feel better realizing that you no longer have to tough this out, or engage in practices that would deny you the genuineness of your loss. Your heart knows where it’s going and it knows what it needs to help you safely negotiate this path. Open yourself to the possibility that you can have what you want in terms of help and self-awareness, and about the process that will set the stage for your emotional recovery.

4) You will feel better knowing that no one travels this path alone and nor should you. Helpful resources are readily available. The old ways of denial, repression and toughing it out are done. They belong to another era. Today, we are allowed to feel what we feel and express those feelings in a safe and genuine manner. What we do today when facing tragedy is our choice. If we choose the path of recovery, then that’s what we will have. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to heal. Never choose suffering over healing. The spirit of recovery is in the air. Alcoholics recover. Drug addicts recover. Abused children recover. Persons with broken hearts, for whatever reason, can do so as well.

So start your recovery now and learn How to Cope with Grief and Loss

Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murderd daughter - News Post Leader

Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murderd daughter - News Post Leader: "Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murdered daughter


Lynne Robson.

By PETRA SILFVERSKIOLD

"FIVE-and-a-half years ago – on the night of her parents' silver wedding anniversary – 14-year-old Sarah Robson's body was found in a field close to her East Cramlington home.
She had been plied with cheap wine before being raped, then beaten and strangled, leaving her parents and two brothers heartbroken.

Now her mum Lynne has published a book, If Only, which tells the story of Sarah's life and her family's journey from that devastating knock on the door in February 2003, through the court case and beyond."

This is great example of "journaling" which is a key tool in grief recovery. This piece of journaling is now public, but it's value extends beyond that. Journaling is a great tool for How to Cope with Grief and Loss. More on this later.

© Copyright Maurice Turmel PhD - HowtoCopeWithGriefandLoss.com